Welcome to the Jungle

In college, my mom bought me a small bamboo plant. She told me that I it would be good for me to care for something outside of myself and help it flourish. Bamboo, she said, is one of the heartiest plants on earth; able to withstand wind, little water and temperature variations. "Prove to me you can do this, sweetheart" she whispered.

It died two months later. (sorry mom). 


The point is, when it comes to plants, I'm able to kill just about anything. Plants have some kind of sixth sense when they come into my presence; it's like they know it's the end and completely give up on life. I've tried everything. I meticulously cut the stems off flowers Josh sends me, put that packet of food in the water and give them a sunny spot in our dining room. Within 48 hours, they are on life support, drooping like the white surrender flag.

So when we saw our beautiful house on Westwood Hills, I realized that my flora-destroying experiences up to this point were just practice; small exercises to prepare for the jungle that is our yard.

Because nobody has lived on the property since last November, the greenery has, well, made itself quite comfy. With plenty of sunlight, frequent rains in the spring and nobody to reign it in, the plantlife has completely taken over the house. This is where our front door is. There are actually beautiful windows into the living room but you can't see out them because of the shrubs.

Seriously. It's like somebody pumped steroids into the soil and told everybody to have a party. And boy did they ever.

 The planters in the front also went a little wild. Every time we stop by the house, our realtor and I take turns weeding this. Not that it does much good...

And then there is the ivy. Yes, it gives the house that beautiful English cottage look. In fact, my buddy Jason asked me point blank if we bought the house because it looks like something out of Harry Potter (this comment actually made my week. All I need now is an owl to deliver my mail and I could die happy).  Unfortunately, it all has to be ripped down. Immediately.

Ivy causes a whole host of problems (which, I didn't know until we bought the house).

1. Since it's plantlife, it holds water like a sponge against the house. 
2. It also plays hostess to a variety of cute insects like hornets, wasps and beetles. 
3. The little plant feet that attach it to the brick grow and start to rip the brick off the house. 

So as we visited the house this past weekend, I made a point to walk around the house and alert these photosynthesis loving organisms that they have met their match. I haven't met a plant yet that I wasn't able to swiftly destroy.

(Editors Note: we won't be killing ALL the plants- unless Ashley is in charge of the landscaping).