A Terrible Secret

I'm about to reveal a secret only two people on this planet can attest to (my husband and my sister):

I am the world's WORST bathroom sharer.

When it comes to bathroom transgressions, I am a repeat offender with little chance of rehabilitation. Offenses include:

• I take ridiculously long showers and bubble baths. We're talking a minimum of 30 minutes. 
• I never cap the toothpaste. Never. And it leaks all over the drawer or counter. 
• I don't close caps on mouthwash, nail polish remover, etc, so that if touched, all contents spill. 
• I shed. A lot. My hair is everywhere. And I make no apologies for this. 
• I leave everything on the counter so I can easily find it. Why put it away if I know I'm going to use it again tomorrow?

And then there is the Moby Dick of all bathroom sharing sins: if I can't find my toothbrush (or am simply too lazy to look for mine amidst my items scattered across the counter) I will use the first one I find.

(Cue: gagging sounds and groans of complete disgust).

I tell you this, dear reader, so you will understand that when Josh and I first looked at this house, his immediate concern was the singular bathroom. I mean, if your toothbrush was in a constant state of jeopardy, you would be preoccupied with this fact as well.

Our realtor assured us that a solution was upstairs: a roughed in master bathroom.

Let me start by saying, even our contractor wasn't quite sure what the "plan" was supposed to be for this space. From the doorway, you can see the weirdly constructed shower (complete with illegal electrical wiring).

 

Instead of taking advantage of the sloped walls in the back, drywall was being erected to create a flat surface and wasting square feet in an already small space. 

 The plumbing was routed so that the toilet appeared to be positioned in the middle of room.

So we (and by "we," I mean our contractor and his team) went to work ripping out the existing plans and redesigning a more functional space.

 

Now when you walk into the bathroom, the first thing you'll see is the soaking tub (yes, you will have to use your imagination to see our vision as it's pretty rough right now). 

To the left of the soaking tub will be the new walk in shower (with cut out shelves because I have two different shampoos and two different conditioners alone).

The center of the space will be for the vanity (with EXTRA counter space) and a toilet in the back left corner. Again, use your imagination people.

We spent some time over the past weekend picking out tile for the space. If we can pull it off, I CANNOT WAIT to share photos of the completed "after" photos!!

Going Behind the Walls

When my sister and I were eight years old, we unearthed the most fantastic discovery any child our age could think of: a secret passageway.

In the basement of my grandparent's house was a closet filled with some of my grandma's old dresses, gloves and purses from the 60's and 70's. One day, while playing hide and seek, Brooke crawled into the closet per usual (it was either there or behind the couch, not exactly an ideal space for the game). I pulled open the door, ready to claim victory but she was nowhere to be seen.

Perplexed, I poked my head inside when I heard her giggling. I ventured in, crawling on my hands and knees through the corridor. As I approached daylight, I could see Brooke smiling at me from inside a place I had never seen: the laundry room.

The realization of our own wardrobe to Narnia was about as epic as it gets. We tested out the passageway a few more times before swearing ourselves to secrecy; not even our cousins could know about our new world.

Many years later, I was disappointed to realize that our secret passageway was simply a two sided closet, with doors on both ends. However, that feeling of discovery was forever etched in my memory as one of the happiest moments of my childhood.

As an adult, however, going behind the walls of a newly purchased home is anything but exciting. Yet here we stood, looking at our basement. 

First, let's call a spade a spade: painting a creepy space "afternoon sunshine yellow" does not fool anybody. In fact, it actually highlights the scariness. Second, putting particle board up on the walls and affixing random construction signs isn't exactly what HGTV meant when they said "Industrial style."

With all the water damage, we knew we had to tear this place down to the bones. But the potential nightmare was what we could uncover beneath the walls. Mold was easy; but a damaged foundation or significant asbestos could deplete our entire contingency fund.

Honestly though, what could be worse than this "homework" area? I mean, sure, it would guarantee the fastest assignment completion time in a 50-mile radius, but you would probably also contract some form of tetanus within ten minutes of sitting there. So, we took the plunge and ripped it all down.

 

Our house surprised us: no major disasters behind the walls! Of course, our neighbors probably think this was the scene of a meth lab as we do have a giant "RADON REMOVAL" truck sitting in our front yard. Yes, we have some mold to eradicate and radon contamination (common in older homes), but overall, things are in good shape!

Eventually this will be a rec area and a real basement (with a wine cellar, because that's how we roll) but don't expect that for at least a decade. For now we're going to keep it empty and I'll use it as a workout area. Because who needs LA Fitness with their calming taupe paint and floor to ceiling glass when I have a dungeon with my own personal egress window and dirty brick? : )

Taming the Jungle

Remember that lovely story about how my mother got me a beautiful bamboo plant for college and I managed to kill it? Well, for our anniversary this year, Josh gave me a lovely stalk of bamboo to keep at my desk to remind me of him (awwwwww, how sweet!). I followed the directions exactly, placing it snuggly in a jar of pebbles and watered it lightly.

My bamboo plant...before I killed it.

I am (sadly) here to report that my skills as a plant killer are at their peak condition, despite several years of inactivity. Apparently I have a knack for figuring out how to murder even the strongest of the flora kingdom. I could be the villain in a totally lame comic book series about a green thumb avenger. 

Yes. My bamboo is dead. It fought bravely against my powers of destruction for a total of 42 days.

Funny enough, last weekend at our house was similar to the aforementioned comic book plot; a gang of plant destroyers ascending on an unsuspecting landscape with a caped crusader (Terri) fighting off the evil forces with nothing but a pair of gardening shears to save as many civilians as she could.

A group of guys from Josh's choir showed up bright and early with chainsaws, trucks and work gloves to help us remove all that we could of the seriously overgrown landscape.  Josh and his team swept through the yard, cutting down trees and pulling out shrubs.

The work begins early Sunday morning.

Hooking up some chains to some of the big trees and pulling them out of the garden.

Terri was kind enough to look past my criminal past and teach me about the existing plants in our gardens. We pruned some Russian Sage and located Hostas around the yard. She tamed the gigantic prickly thorny things out front and helped me remove TONS of baby trees that had taken over most of the garden beds.

But after a few trees/shrubs were down, we realized that we needed some professional help. Naturally, we set our sights on a 3,000 pound wood chipper and took Jimmy's van into Plymouth to pick up our beast. Our resident turkeys were not happy with all the noise and disruption, voicing their disapproval loudly as they strutted through the yard (moving much more quickly once the wood chipper was turned on). With only 90 minutes to pulverize the remnants of our yard, the guys went into hyper-drive.

Hooking up the wood chipper!

Feeding the beast!!

Can't believe all the brush/trees we cut down!

So without further ado, here are the coveted "Before" and "After" photos.

BEFORE

Front of the house before we started work.

Front/Side of the house before we tackled the yard.

And AFTER!!!!

All clean!!!!!!!!

Thank you again to everyone who came out last weekend to help us clean. From my parents and aunt Sandy, to Josh's parents and all the choir guys who showed up on a chilly Sunday to tame this yard. We can't thank you enough for your hard work- we could not have done it without you!!!!