How Marching Band and a Math Book Haunt Me Ten Years Later

I know. This post sounds like the worst horror movie title in the history of the world. But it is a true story. How a simple marching band practice and algebra II textbook continue to affect me over a decade later. 

It all started in early fall my senior year in high school. I was super awesome and belonged to an elite organization known as the Eastview High School Marching Band (yes, there is a heavy dose of sarcasm in this comment but, in truth, I enjoyed every toe-roll and horn move). On a blustery Thursday evening, we were ending rehearsal out on the parking lot and everyone was ready to go home. After standing at attention for several minutes, we were released by the director and headed to the grass to quickly pick up our instrument cases and books before the night sprinklers came on. Hugging my saxophone against my side, I awkwardly leaned over to pick up my math textbook and BAM, my knee gave out. 


Like many teenagers, I didn't want to draw additional attention to myself and admit I was injured. Hell, half my leg could be missing and I probably would have tried to limp inside hoping nobody would notice. It wasn't until I got home and removed my faded, worn out jeans that I noticed my knee-cap was now clearly on the side of my leg. After the obligatory scream and gagging at the sight of my mangled joint, my mom and I covered it with ice and hoped it would go away. 


The next morning, I could no longer see my knee. In fact, the swelling was SO bad, that it appeared as though a grapefruit had been implanted into the center of my leg, leaving the area purple and ungodly puffy. At the hospital, I was having a minor meltdown. I had even begun accepting the fact the doctor would probably amputate my entire leg when he came in, nudged my patella back in place and put a giant velcro cast around my leg.  After looking at the x-ray he said my patellas (knee caps) were actually abnormally small compared to the other bones in my leg. In fact, they would continue to shift without therapy. He handed my mother a business card to a local rehab facility and told her to make me weekly appointments for the next two months. 


Thus began my frequent visits to the Athletic Institute in Apple Valley. I couldn't drive with my leg all messed up, so my mom would pick me up in our mini-van and drive me to the center over lunch. There, I would sit with ACTUAL athletes while we performed various exercises and stretches. As you can see, my "cool" factor was already on hyper drive with my mom and the mini-van thing, so you can only imagine the reactions of other kids when they asked about my injury. I thought about lying, telling them I played a real sport. But in the end, I would shrug and say "well, it happened in marching band." Nobody asked questions after that.


Most afternoons, I would sit with one of the countless football players as the aides attached electroshock pads on our legs. Attached to the pads was a small box where we could control the electrical output. The shocks helped weaker muscles grow faster and, in turn, helped us get back into fighting shape. This might have been effective had we not exchanged control boxes and spent the 25 minutes seeing how bad we could shock each other. Needless to say, in the end, I came out with my left leg healed but extremely twitchy

This lovely story brings me to today. I did double workouts today and even got in a run outdoors. No matter how often I do my exercises or how hard I work, I can still feel that patella bobbing about ever so slightly in my leg. I've tried everything from knee-braces to those thingys you wrap around your leg right below your knee cap. Nothing keeps it in place. I'm in constant fear that I will hit the ground just a little bit off and wham, I'll be back in that cast. 


So in exchange for my self-deprecating story, I'm hoping I have some actual athlete readers who can offer some advice. Is there anything out there that will keep my pretty patella in one place? Is there another exercise or magical device to keep my leg in working order? Any advice is much appreciated.

Starting Pitcher Syndrome

I posted yesterday about my plans to start working out in the morning in preparation for Tough Mudder in May. Much to my surprise I received an interesting response from someone on facebook that read similar to this:

"Oh, I see your resolution coincides with New Year's and everyone else promising to get in shape. Really classy...good luck with that." 

At first I was slightly hurt. I'll admit it, I actually made a giant sad face and contemplated removing my post in fear that other people would also mock me. 

And then I got angry. Angry that someone who hasn't seen me in ten years is trying to rain on my parade. So angry that I tried coming up with several sarcastic responses, each nastier than the one before it, but unable to click "Post."

So I deleted the comment. Shut off my computer and went to bed sulking. 


But I woke up this morning with the realization that this person had a point. It was like he knew one of my major flaws: Starting Pitcher Syndrome. 

Being married to a baseball fanatic, we often refer to our relationship as the perfect bullpen: I'm the starting pitcher, but my husband is the closer. I'm really REALLY good at making plans, starting them and working towards our goal. But 3/4 of the way into it, I usually get tired or just get sick of it. This is when Josh steps in and finishes the game. Perfect example: I rarely finish a whole can of soda. I leave just enough in the bottom because I don't want to finish it. I start putting away groceries and get distracted after the refrigerated items and leave the rest on the counter. Sure, this approach works fine at home but not for this. Josh can't do my training for me. And unless I want him or someone else to physically DRAG me across the finish line, I need some extra motivation. 


So I came up with a solution after just finishing the book The Hunger Games (such a great read if you are in the market for a new novel).  I have to work for my Tough Mudder gear. At the end of each month, I get to purchase something that will help me in the Tough Mudder event. Things like Under Armour leggings, moisture wick socks, and a grip gloves. If I don't finish my workouts, I don't get the gear. So unless I want to be wearing cotton shorts, a t-shirt and zero protection on my hands and knees, I HAVE TO go to the gym. I have to record my workouts.  I have to stick to this plan. 


In short, thank you Mr. Negative Nancy on Facebook. Your comments might have been somewhat rude, but you were right. And now it's time for me to put my money where my mouth is.

Birthdays and Morning Routines

I have a very simple morning routine each day I go to work. I walk into the door from the parking lot and hike up the small flight of stairs. I drop off my purse, set up my Mac and head into the kitchen to put my lunch in the fridge. I split open a whole wheat English muffin, drop it in the toaster and let it warm up while I fill my water bottle up at the cooler. I smear a good helping of peanut butter on my breakfast once it pops up and head over to my desk. I crack open my delicious Cherry Coke Zero and ALWAYS take a sip before biting into my English muffin. Only then, am I ready to work.


This is my routine. It takes an act of God to stray from it. 


December was the month we fell out of our routine (and by "we" I really mean "me"). I had too many happy hours after work, too many holiday parties, too many family gatherings with delicious food and drink that were WAY more fun than working out. The last two days, I've promised myself that I would workout, get back into our "routine" and both nights I've gone to bed a little bit squishier.  But tomorrow is different. Tomorrow starts a new chapter.

Tomorrow I turn 29 (or I should say "Brooke and I" turn 29). And what better way to kick off 29 than finally getting into a fitness routine. And since my morning routine is of the only things I don't EVER stray from during the week, working out needs to be in the morning. Josh and I will still work out together a few days a week at home at night, but 95% of my training will be in the morning. 

So if you are at the LA Fitness in St. Louis Park anytime after January 15th around 6am, stop by and say hello. And if you don't see me, feel free to stop by my house and drag me kicking and screaming out of bed. Because it's going to take a while before I can call working out part of my sacred "morning routine."

Bad Blogger; Big Biceps

I'll just start by saying I've been a bad blogger. Every Sunday for the past three weeks I've had grand plans to write an update, and every Sunday goes by without a post. To my humble readers: I apologize and will try to be better in the future. 


Josh and I are now 64 days into our P90X program and at the beginning of each month, we take our measurements. Biceps, stomach, chest, stomach, thighs and calves are all carefully wrapped with a pretty pink tape measure and recorded on a notecard that hangs on our fridge. I'll be honest: the numbers are misleading. In fact, the only change is a half-inch loss in my stomach. And I wasn't totally convinced this program was working until a week before Thanksgiving. 


My sister Brooke and her boyfriend, Jake, came into town to celebrate the holiday early. That Saturday, Brooke and I went out to do a little shopping when Brooke came across a cute crop jacket. One of the best things about having a twin is the ability to have the other one try on clothes to see how you look in them. Who needs a mirror when you have a lifesize replica of yourself? Anywho, I put on the jacket so Brooke could see what SHE would look like wearing it. As soon as I put it on, I said "chica, it's cute but it's too tight in the arms." Disappointed, my sister asked if she could try on the jacket to make sure I was telling the truth. 

After slipping her arms through the sleeves, Brooke laughs and says "it fits me just fine." 

The bottom line: even though my measurements haven't changed, I've definitely toned up in lots of places. I feel better when I run. My back pain has all but disappeared. AND I can carry in all the groceries in one trip (which, when you park near the back of the lot, is a HUGE bonus). 


So, Josh and I have every intention of continuing our workouts well past 90 days. It's been quite a ride so far and I can't wait to start my hardcore training in January!

Diversions in San Antonio

I'm waiting for my team in the lobby of this beautiful hotel overlooking the valleys near San Antonio. It's been 70 degrees everyday, sunny and by all measures, perfect. However, I've only been outside twice in the last five days and am sad to report that I did not see one square foot of Texas outside my resort. I've spent the last several days at a national sales meeting for Hormel Food Service. After working countless hours the past five months on various projects relating to the convention, it was extremely rewarding to see it all come together. In a person record, I managed to work 70+ hours from Tuesday to yesterday and, I'll be honest, I'm completely exhausted.

The great thing about foodservice people is that we LOVE food. Hence, we eat and drink the finest palate pleasers whenever we get together. Roasted salmon, mixed greens with goat cheese and fresh cranberries, pork wellington, molten lava chocolate cake and several glasses of chardonnay (yes, I actually drank the stuff I usually refer to as akin to "licking an oak barrel"). But this crazy schedule and non-stop food fest resulted in me completely ignoring my P90X workouts.

I could tell you that getting up at 5:30 every morning this week and working until 11:00pm prevented me from keeping to my schedule. I could tell you that my hotel room was too small to complete the workouts. But part of our conference this week stressed the importance of accountability; that providing excuses doesn't make us or our team better. So instead I'll tell you that I simply didn't make it a priority. That I chose to catch a quick power nap or relax instead of doing my routine.

My husband on the other hand has stuck to it like a champion. He worked out even while contractors are in our condo remodeling the bathroom. He worked out despite getting several phone calls in the middle of Yoga X. He worked out even though he had work to do later that night. So this post is mostly dedicated to how awesome my hubby is. His dedication is truly remarkable and I couldn't be more proud.

So as I head home today, Josh will pick me up from the airport and bring me to Cuppa Java as we do every weekend since we got married. He'll let me take a super long nap even though we haven't seen each other in almost a week. And then, he'll smile and get me right back into training tonight.

Day 30

Hard to believe but Josh and I have been doing P90X for 30 whole days! 

Sure, 30 days in the grand scheme of things doesn't seem like a lot, but there are some things to celebrate:

• I can do a crane pose for 2 seconds (this is a huge improvement over me falling on my ass repeatedly)
• I can ALMOST get through Ab Ripper X without wanting to puke
• I'm able to do more than one push-up (closer to 25 if I'm cheating on my knees)
• When I go running, I feel stronger
• And I lost a half an inch on my tummy!

Of course, 30 days isn't a miracle worker and even though we've been working hard, there is still a long road ahead of us. Things to look forward to:

• Losing weight. Yes, we've been working hard but our bodies are hanging onto those pounds like they're going out of style. Hopefully those pesky few will start to melt off between now and day 60
• Being able to finish the Ab Ripper workout and do ALL 340 reps
• Starting the new workout: biceps, triceps, shoulders this week

Overall, I'm really happy with where we're at. I know the things I'm proud of might seem silly to other people, but it's a huge accomplishment if you've ever done these workouts. I'm a little nervous about next week as I'll be in San Antonio for a conference and need to figure out how to get my workouts done in a teeny-tiny hotel room. It will also be the first time I have to do the routines by myself. I'll admit, at first I was a bit nervous to workout together considering my lack of upper body strength, but it has been a HUGE HELP. Josh is a great cheerleader (minus the short skirt and high pitched voice) during the routines and it's been (dare I say it?) fun to have dedicated time each day where we do something together. 

In other news, thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts about my mom. I was overwhelmed with how many people sent me a message about her and gave advice on things to try. She is doing pretty well the last few days (and wanted me to clarify that she CAN move, just not very well....apparently a few friends thought she was in early stages of rigor mortis). Again, thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, it means the world to me. 

Reality Check

Last night we did our Cardio workout, 45 minutes of some intense yoga, plyometics and kick-boxing. Josh and I laugh that it's the "shortest and easiest" workout of the entire program. The whole time I'm kicking and sword-jabbing in our living room, there is only one thing on my mind:


My mom. 

I won't go into all the details about how freakin' awesome my mom is, but she's pretty much the best person on the planet. I'm worried because she can't move. Things like bending over to get in the cupboard or pushing yourself off from the ground after kneeling is painful and almost impossible. She's been to a dozen doctors, had two thousand blood tests and the answer is always the same: normal. But it's not normal. She's 56 years old and can barely get out of bed because she is in so much pain. She stretches for an hour every morning trying to loosen things up but nothing helps.


And today she called me after another doctor told her all the tests came back negative. We've tried everything from Lyme's disease to Lupus and still, nothing shows up. So as I write about training and working my body to its limits, my mom can barely walk up and down the stairs. I'm to the point of tears because I can't do anything. I've searched WebMd, Mayo clinic and random internet chat sites hoping to stumble on a cure or something that would help her.


I don't want this post to be a huge downer for people. But I also want to be honest about what's going on, and life isn't always humorous. Today was a reality check for me. That our bodies are not guaranteed to work for an eternity. We need to take care of them now so they can take care of us later.


So if you believe in prayer, or meditation or throwing pennies into murky water at the mall to make a wish come true, one of those gestures for my mom would mean a lot to me. For now, I'm going to keep up my routine and (childishly) hope that some of my new strength finds its way to my mother.